The Impact of Technology on Kids’ Social Skills

Sometimes it boggles the mind when we think about how fast the world has advanced in the field of technology. From computers to cell phones to e-book readers and iPods, it seems everything we use today is powered through technology. As a result, a lot of familiar routines for adults are becoming passé, such as writing letters by hand, reading hard copies of newspapers, and frequenting the library.

So what impact is technology having on the lifestyles of children and teenagers — some of whom may never have been inside a post office or even seen a telephone booth? Some surprising Nielsen statistics show teenagers send and receive 3,705 text messages per month! Pre-teens are sending and receiving an average of 1,707 each month. It makes you wonder what happened to the days when kids simply called their friends to talk and parents put a limit on telephone time.

It’s a new day, and today’s social media tools are generating new concerns. There are not only safety issues associated with texting, using Facebook and other forms of social media, but there is also legitimate concern about the impact on kids’ social skills and their ability to have healthy relationships. Technology is fast replacing face-to-face experiences that are vitally important to the development of a child’s social skills. Human-to-human interaction is something they will need to use in the workplace, along with the human-to-machine interaction. A study by nationally-known psychologist Larry Rosen, Ph.D. and his colleagues compared real world empathy, online empathy and social support. They found there was a positive correlation between belonging to a social network, such as Facebook, and online empathy, but not with real world empathy. In other words — much like past research related to television and film — online experiences don’t translate into the same feelings when out in the real world.

Sure, technology has made our lives easier and the reality is that electronic communication is here to stay. It provides an efficient and important way to share information, make plans and keep up with friends in our “networks.” The eighteen and under generation is spending as much as four hours a day communicating with others via electronics. They clearly benefit from the connection, because studies show they feel a full range of emotions in this realm of screen messages. So rather than fight what is here to stay and what does offer some benefits, it makes good sense for parents to help kids learn to manage and apply the technology. The challenge is to keep them from getting “addicted” to their computers and cell phones. Make sure they spend quality, “electronic-free” time with family and friends, so they can experience the difference between an electronic connection and a personal connection. Both forms of communication are valuable, but nothing can ever truly replace spending “real” time with another person.

Taking Pride in Your Hometown

The powerful Chrysler television commercial that debuted during this year’s Super Bowl got everyone talking. Featuring hometown rapper Eminem, the ad displayed Detroit pride, evoking emotion and tears in many Michigan residents. Using a strong narration, moving images, and the element of surprise at the end —Eminem and a gospel choir inside the Fox Theatre — the TV spot promoted the strength of Detroiters and the city’s comeback, as well as the all-new Chrysler 200 vehicle. The tagline: Imported from Detroit.

Michigan had another great moment in the spotlight when President Barack Obama visited Northern Michigan University in Marquette. The president praised the university’s WiMAX wireless system that has made distance learning possible for students. The system is in line with the president’s efforts to help business make wireless Internet service available to 98 percent of Americans.

These are just two great examples of why we should take pride in our state! It’s a lesson all children should learn. No matter where you live, there are positive points that make it a great community. We should all be as passionate about our hometown as the message depicted in the TV spot.

Here’s a fun activity: Ask your children to make a list of what they like the most about where they live. If they are budding writers or movie producers, have them try their hand at writing their own television commercial about Detroit, Michigan, or their hometown.

Locally, here in Oxford, families can take pride in many activities, events and venues, such as the community’s holiday parade, Hot Blues and BBQ Festival, beautiful parks, libraries, a downtown movie theatre, and a variety of restaurants. These are some of the things that make Oxford great. Remind your kids how lucky they are to grow up in our quaint, comfortable, culturally-rich community.

Let your children know there are many bright spots that make Michigan shine, like those depicted masterfully in the Chrysler Super Bowl ad. It’s up to all of us to bring those positive attributes to light and make our communities the talk of the town.

Lessons from the Tragedy in Tucson

It was just last summer in this column that I provided some ideas on how to discuss politics with your children and its influence on the nation. I encouraged you to let kids get involved in political campaigns, accompany you to the polls, and watch election results. Earlier this year, the nation mourned the loss of a 9-year-old girl who was passionate about politics and government and who had just been elected to her school’s student council. Christina Taylor Green was an innocent victim in the mass shootings at a public appearance of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords in the parking lot of a Tucson, Arizona supermarket. The little girl had been extremely excited about meeting the woman whom she admired so much.

Recently, I was talking with a current law school student who also developed an interest in government as a young boy in middle school. During that time, he wrote a letter to a former Michigan governor to express concern about the state government’s ability to protect our environment and natural resources. As a result, the governor invited the young boy and a friend to the State Capitol Building in Lansing to discuss the issue. Today, that young man is planning a career as an attorney and possibly as an elected official or government employee. He attributes his ambitions to his conversation with the governor and the mere fact that an elected official cared enough to take time to listen to a kid’s thoughts.

Unlike this young man, Christina Taylor Green did not get the chance to initiate a life-changing conversation with Congresswoman Giffords. Her opportunity ended in a senseless tragedy that has left many children wondering how something like this could happen. Let your kids know that unfortunately, adults don’t always solve problems in the right manner. Sometimes, they resort to name calling, labeling and even violence. Tell your children that everyone has been touched by this tragedy. Start a conversation and answer his or her questions in the best way you can.

It’s important that we encourage our children to move on and look at the positive events that arose from this tragedy. We saw how people on the scene reacted swiftly and bravely to stop the gunman and prevent more injuries. We saw how the emergency responders reacted with the utmost professionalism and speed. We saw how law enforcement moved swiftly to apprehend the suspect. And we saw how a community came together in sympathy and support of the victims.

We can’t let the tragedy in Tucson change us, but it should serve as a wake up call on the impact and power of words. Political rhetoric and strong feelings about tough issues can lead to disagreements. Children need to know that there is a wrong and right way to voice differences of opinions. It should be done with respect, strength, conviction and nonviolence. As President Obama so eloquently told the crowd at a memorial service for the victims, “I want us to live up to her (Christina’s) expectations. I want our democracy to be as good as she imagined it.”

Mind Your Table Manners

When I started to prepare for this column I wanted to find out if kids are concerned about having good manners.  Interestingly, teens are discovering that many employers and college recruiters are inviting them to lunch or some other informal setting for interviews.  We live in a world where we often conduct business around food and drink.  And while it is okay to eat corn on the cob with your hands during a Fourth-of-July barbeque at Stoney Lake, everyone needs to know how to eat properly in a formal setting – even kids.

Displaying good manners speaks volumes about yourself, and how you treat others.  So here are some tips from the experts to share with your children.

According to most etiquette manuals, a fork should not be held like a cello, knife or dagger.  Nor should it be waived around in the air to emphasize a point.  Also, after you pick up a piece of cutlery, it should never touch the table again.  And when not in use, knives, forks and spoons should go on the plate – with the handles resting on the rim.

Napkins, according to www.mannersinternational.com , should be folded in half after opening and before placing on one’s lap.  A napkin should never be snapped in order to unfold it.  If you leave the table and plan to return, the napkin should be left on the chair, and the chair pushed back under the table.  Also, a napkin shouldn’t be refolded at the end of a meal because a server might think it’s clean and accidentally give it to another diner.  When the meal is finished, the napkin should be placed loosely on the table to the left of the plate.  If the plates have been removed the napkin can be placed in the center.

We’ve all been told that it’s wrong to chew with our mouths open.  No matter how much your children may want to do this, teach them not to.  Sometimes people can’t wait to join in on a conversation, so they cover their mouths to hide the food.  This isn’t much better.  Teach your child to finish chewing, swallow, and then speak.

Remember what your mother said: Sit up straight and keep your elbows off the table. Books.Google.com says that keeping elbows off the table makes more room for your dining companions, prevents pushing and pulling on the tablecloth and protects your elbows from getting food stains.  Remind your child to put his or her hands in their lap when not eating.

What about bread?  According to basic etiquette instructions, bread should be torn into bite-size pieces and each piece buttered separately just before eating it.

Finally, if your child has something trapped between his or her teeth don’t let them pick at it while they are at the table.  If it’s really bothersome, or the food can be seen, allow them to be excused so they can go to the restroom and take care of it.

If your child is dining with a member of a different culture, this could all change.  It’s a good idea to visit a bookstore or the library to make sure you both know what’s expected of your child if they’re dining with people from a foreign culture.  Check out Wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Table_manners for a list of table manners observed by different cultures.

Whether it’s dinner at a friend’s house or a business meeting over lunch, we often judge people based on their table manners.  Manners say so much about who you are as a person and about your core values, intentionally or not.  Give your children the advantage and make sure they know the proper etiquette.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

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Janet McPeek, Ph.D., is President of Crossroads for Youth.  She is available to speak to organizations working with children in southeastern Michigan.  Contact Mort Crim Communications at (248) 358-4700, ext. 4, if you would like to book Dr. McPeek at your next event.

Summer Camp Can Benefit the Entire Family

Summer camp provides a great experience for kids.  They can receive guidance on how to build good character, strengthen academic skills or promote leadership qualities.  If your family is thinking about skipping summer camp this year because of financial constraints, you might want to reconsider.  Some costs can be worked out through creative bargaining and good planning.

When a child goes to summer camp, he or she experiences an environment that’s usually rustic and free of distractions.  In addition to allowing children to experience the outdoor environment first-hand, camp can provide them with an opportunity to learn social and academic skills that will enhance their interactions within the family.  Kids in summer camp often learn to negotiate boundaries, set and obey rules, add and subtract, dissect and research, and in general, practice growing up, outside the context of their immediate family.

Kids can learn about good leadership skills by observing the camp director, counselors, and other camp personnel.  They also can practice being leaders themselves by leading songs, or serving as a lunch table monitor, or sports team captain.  Some career-themed camps help kids decide on medical, science or political careers.  And any well-run camp will have lots of activities that are just plain fun.  A good summer camp experience often manifests as an “I can” attitude when the child returns home.

At the Crossroads for Youth Adventure Center, we see tremendous growth in independence, confidence and decision-making among the kids participating in the camp experience, whether it’s a day, weekend or week-long program.   There’s a cohesion that forms among group members as they progress through the swimming, ropes course and kayaking events.  They learn things about themselves individually, as well as how to support each other as a group.  These are all skills that can enhance the family unit.

If money is an issue, parents can take advantage of discounts, tax breaks, financial aid, shorter sessions and other deals to reduce costs.  According to Mary Ellen Folsom, executive director of the New Jersey chapter of the American Camp Association, many camps are adjusting to the economic downturn by keeping tuition fees flat.  Although the costs are non-negotiable, many camps are more willing to accept half-day enrollment or partial-week tuition instead of requiring payment for longer stays, as they have in the past.  So if a shorter stay, such as three or four days a week, works better for your schedule and wallet, just ask.  You can also inquire about discounts for military personnel, teachers, police, firefighters, and families with siblings interested in attending camp.  Early-bird enrollment, where tuition is paid a few months before camp begins, is another cost-cutter.  If your job has a flexible-spending account for dependent care, you may be able to get reimbursed.  And camps sometimes get money from non-profit donors that is earmarked for scholarships.

Now more than ever, the whole family needs summer camp.  I recently saw a statistic indicating that many 17- and 18-year-olds have the social development skills of 12-year-olds.  Why?  Because of the impact of technology.  While technology is great, it can’t compensate for learning basic social skills.  At camp your child will interact with other kids, face-to-face, instead of through e-mail or text messages.  And face time with your kids is always good for the entire family.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

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Janet McPeek, Ph.D., is President of Crossroads for Youth.  She is available to speak to organizations working with children in southeastern Michigan.  Contact Mort Crim Communications at (248) 358-4700, ext. 4, if you would like to book Dr. McPeek at your next event.

Show Kids the Money by Going Green

Considering the emphasis these days on “going green,” many families are looking for ways to become more environmentally conscious.  But where should you start?

At Crossroads for Youth, we installed an 85-foot wind turbine system in 2005 that we use in combination with solar panels to provide electricity.  As a result, our average monthly electric bill has decreased from $1,400 to about $322 to $531.  That’s a savings of more than $10,500 annually since installing the wind turbine.

For most families, a wind turbine is neither practical nor necessary.  But smaller changes in the household can be just as effective.  You can increase your home’s energy efficiency and save money by using compact fluorescent light bulbs (CFLs). The additional benefit of CFLs is that they can be recycled because they contain a small amount of mercury.  So it’s important to keep them out of landfills by disposing of them properly.  Check with your city or township for the closest CFL recycling center.

Look around the house for other things that can be easily recycled.  Rechargeable batteries can be dropped off at many locations, such as Radio Shack or Walmart, once they’ve run their course.  Walgreen’s will accept regular, single-use batteries.  Costco will actually pay you for unwanted electronics like cell phones, PDAs, iPods and other mobile devices.  Check with your city or township to see if they have an “Inorganic Market” where you can drop off unwanted junk.

You can also take your own paper bags to the grocery store.  If you don’t have any, start asking for paper instead of plastic when you go grocery shopping, and then save the bags.  Before you know it, you’ll have tons of paper bags in your house.  These bags can also be used as kindling for a wood-burning fireplace or to drain foods that have been deep-fried.  Make sure to use the part of the bag that is free of ink and printing when draining excess oils from foods.  The next time you’re at the grocery store, go for the recycled toilet paper.  According to recycling experts, if everyone replaced just one roll of toilet paper with the recycled version, it would save 423,900 trees.

Even when your appliances are switched off, many of them continue sucking energy from the electrical grid, burning coal, natural gas, and other fossil fuels.  Unplugging your appliances when you’re not using them, or using a surge protector, will save you money.

Once your family has implemented a few “green” solutions, sit down with your child and go over your energy bills.  Then monitor the bills over an extended period to see the savings.  Let your kids use the “evidence” for a show-and-tell-project at school.  The lesson here is that going green doesn’t have to be expensive. You can start with small things and later focus on more costly items, like solar panels.  Once your family gets the hang of going green it will become second nature.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Helping kids sort through politics

There has been a lot of talk lately about corruption, lack of leadership and infidelity among our local, regional and national politicians.  It seems not a day goes by that we aren’t confronted with yet another embarrassing mistake by one of our public officials.  As parents, this can make us feel powerless because it’s our job to help kids analyze and understand the images they are exposed to every day.  And make no mistake; our children are watching.  Surely they are wondering, “Who can you trust?”  If you’re a parent, this doesn’t have to be a powerless moment.  There are positive lessons that can be taught from witnessing the mistakes of our leaders.

First, tell your child that these situations are no different from anything else we see or hear about on the news.  The reports are out of the ordinary and are therefore, most likely to get attention, whether negative or positive.  They are not the stories of everyday people doing everyday normal things, which is much more widespread.  What we see and hear in the news are usually stories of abnormalities involving a small number of people.  Help your kids understand this so they can keep things in proper perspective.

Make it clear to your child that all people make mistakes, but we hold public officials to a higher standard because their actions have the ability to affect so many people.  They sign up for this when they choose to run for public office.  That’s why it is newsworthy when a politician falters.

Second, emphasize the flip side of the coin.  Ask your child about any leaders or politicians they admire.  There are many outstanding leaders and the ideal way for kids to learn how to look at and compare both sides of an issue should be taught at home.  You might be surprised at your child’s political leanings, especially if it differs from your own.

Set a good example by watching the news with your kids or taking them to some of the public forums and political rallies.  There will be many opportunities for this over the next few months as the national mid-term elections heat up.  Take them to see and hear both Democrat and Republican candidates.  This will make them good political consumers.  Younger children especially need to be guided since many of the images and words coming from TV and radio can be overwhelming.  Remember, if you’re shocked by some of the things you’ve seen and heard lately, just imagine what your child must be thinking.

Finally, stress the importance of voting.  It’s a privilege and a responsibility that some Americans had to fight for and it’s the ultimate system of checks and balances.  Tell your child that as an adult, whenever he or she is unhappy with a politician they can vote them out.  That’s what democracy is all about.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.