Oftentimes, young people are told that we are all the same. However, we really are not the same. And that is what makes this world interesting and educational. When you are operating under the belief that everyone is the same, the human tendency is to compare everybody else to ourselves. And if there are distinct differences, we immediately become defensive or judgmental. Instead, we should teach our kids to look at diversity as a great learning opportunity that will broaden their perspectives and move them beyond their own family traditions.

When my kids were growing up, our family spent a lot of time with the families of three close friends of Hispanic, Asian and African-American heritages. We all learned from each other by sharing cultural traditions, recipes and beliefs. It was a great experience for my kids and me.

Home is the first place where kids learn habits, routines, values and beliefs. So parents should set an example for their children. Show that you value diversity in your friendships and business relationships. Buy books, music, videos and toys that reflect diversity. Teach your child about the injustices of bias and discrimination. Speak up when someone makes a racist or ethnic joke, and explain to your child that those types of remarks promote cultural tensions.

The lessons you teach your children at home will spill over to their school environment and help to ease cultural tensions, prejudice, violence and bullying among students. Let them know there is no such thing as a stereotypical Caucasian or African-American or Latino. Each of us is a result of our upbringing and experiences. Kids should learn to evaluate everyone individually.

Opening our eyes to other people’s belief systems or cultures doesn’t diminish what we do nor does it require that we change who we are; it just means that we have learned to appreciate how much richness there is in our world.

It is important that parents and teachers realize signs of bullying aren’t always obvious. We normally think of bullying as a physical act or the posting of a derogatory message on the Internet, known as cyber-bullying. However, there are other types, such as exclusionary bullying. That’s when a group of friends decide not to include a certain friend in their plans — shunning and isolating the youngster. Gossip and teasing are other forms of bullying. Getting stuck with a nickname can be embarrassing and hurtful to a child, especially when everyone else thinks that name is cute or funny.

Parents should be aware of these subtle forms of bullying. There’s more to it than a kid coming home with a black eye. Watch closely for changes in your child’s behavior and have frank discussions with him or her about bullying. Talk to your child’s teachers and friends. Many times, a child suffering from harassment will tell a friend, and the friend will tell his or her parent. Make it a point to occasionally volunteer at your child’s school or attend activities. Teachers are also more accessible these days via email, so stay in contact with them to gain insight on classroom behavior.

Kids witness forms of bullying every day, even amongst adults. Making fun of the underdog can be considered bullying and is often present in political campaigns where adults say negative things about each other. Kids also see constant examples of the strong, clever guy beating up his opponent in video games, movies and television programs. Parents need to help children make the distinction between these images and real-life bullying. You can be honest with them and admit that we all get angry at times and may want to hurt other people’s feelings in retaliation. But let them know there are positive ways to resolve conflicts and handle emotions.

Kids and adults should recognize that bullying can happen innocently. It isn’t always the “bad” kids who are the bullies. Sometimes children don’t realize they are bullying another child. I’m reminded of the story of a Michigan girl who was given a nickname by a group of popular kids after she tripped in the school cafeteria and spilled a tray of food on herself and the other students. The nickname spread throughout the school and she was constantly harassed. While the other kids thought it was funny, the bullying had a devastating impact on the girl. She stopped going to lunch and hid out in classrooms instead. Finally, she became so depressed that she considered suicide. When the other kids heard about it, they were upset and devastated, because they actually liked the girl and had no idea how much she was negatively impacted by the nickname.

Many local school districts, private organizations and community agencies already have or will be developing programs to address bullying. Sign your children up for workshops, so they learn what to do if they are bullied and how to prevent becoming bullies.

Think about it. In many ways, when a child moves to a new grade each year, the emotions and challenges associated with the transition are comparable to what an adult would face if he or she changed jobs every year! New teacher — new boss. New classmates — new colleagues. New classroom — new work location. The bottom line is that adults and kids should make good use of the opportunities that arise when they change jobs, grades or schools. They can improve social skills, develop new relationships, learn new information, and get involved in more activities and clubs.

So how can you help your child adjust to changes at school? First of all, encourage your child to make new friends. Entering a higher grade usually provides more opportunities to get involved in sports, music or other activities. That’s a great way for kids to meet new peers. Set a goal with your child of talking to at least one new person every week. If your child tends to be shy, let him or her know that adults often find themselves in the same situation. While some of us are natural networkers, others have to learn to cope with the challenge of meeting new people. It can be just as daunting for grown-ups to enter a room full of strangers, shake hands and be comfortable talking with people we don’t know. Tell children and teenagers that stepping up to meet others is an invaluable skill that will prepare them for their academic and professional careers. We live in a world that encourages team interaction and being able to talk with anyone about anything.

Another important adjustment involves balancing academics with a social life. As kids get older and become active in more extracurricular programs, they need to learn the importance of time management and getting a well-rounded educational experience.

You’ve heard the saying, “Change is good.” Well, that adage is true. Tell your child to make the most out of the changes and new responsibilities that go along with transitioning to a higher grade. Remind them this is an exciting time in their lives and they should relax and enjoy the experience.

This somber report offers a safety reminder for families as we approach the start of fall. It’s a good time to remind teenagers to drive safely, stay aware, and wear a seatbelt at all times. Make sure they know that Michigan law prohibits reading, writing and sending text messages while operating a motor vehicle. Additionally, new teen drivers are not allowed to have more than one non-family passenger aged twenty or younger in their vehicle, unless accompanied by a parent, guardian or other adult who’s been approved by a parent.

Here in Oxford, a recent serious car accident involving a teenager and a car-bicycle accident illustrate the need for kids and adults to take extra caution this month and in the coming months. There is a tendency for families to get in a hurry and try to pack in a lot of activities as summer winds down and the days get shorter. Perhaps they want to spend longer days at the lake, or take extended bike rides, or squeeze in more trips to the park. That’s especially true when you are fortunate to live in a community like ours that offers numerous outdoor venues, as well as a vibrant downtown with a theater, restaurants, and other indoor fun.

Parents are usually more mindful of kids’ safety at the start of summer, because they know their child’s regular school routine is changing and there will be more time for driving, hiking and fun at the pool or beach. So that’s when parents feel a greater need to remind children of several safety rules. However, it’s easy to get careless months later, as we enjoy the last days of summer. That’s human nature. But one careless moment can lead to an accident. Those same early precautions still should be emphasized now, so that families can greet the start of school and the onset of fall on a safe note.

One of the major questions parents of teens have to deal with involves how much “freedom” to give their child. When you and I were growing up, we would leave the house in the morning and come back for lunch and dinner. We would return for the night when the streetlights came on. But today, things have changed dramatically. Teens often want to spend the entire day and part of the evening away from home during the summer. So, can you trust your son or daughter to drive — unchaperoned — to Cedar Point or another distant amusement park with their friends? Should you let your teenager spend the day at the beach or a county park?

These are daunting questions for any parent. While we want to give our children more freedom to help them develop into responsible, independent adults, we are often afraid to cut loose the “apron strings.” The key to making complicated decisions about trusting your teenager is good family communication. It is important to regularly communicate with your children and find out what is going on in their lives and with their friends. Don’t be afraid to have frank discussions on a variety of topics. If your teen has done something in the past that caused you to lose some trust in him or her, talk about it. What will it take for them to earn your trust again? Are you truly comfortable with their answers to your questions? Are they making an honest effort to prevent past mistakes from happening again? You will find that having open communication with your teenager can ease your fears and allow you to give him or her more freedom.

Conversations with your teen and distinguishing between what appears to be patterns versus isolated incidents will guide you into making good decisions in the future about trusting your teenager. For your child, frequent family communication makes it easier for them to come to you with questions. It also offers an opportunity to engage in good decision making and problem solving — valuable skills that will prepare them to become productive members of society and, eventually, great parents themselves.

Exercise and nutrition for children and teens are the key components in First Lady Michelle Obama’s national initiative, “Let’s Move.” She started the campaign last year in an effort to end the epidemic of childhood obesity within a single generation. A lack of exercise will impact a child’s lifespan, and billions of dollars are currently being spent to treat illnesses related to childhood obesity. School budget cuts have resulted in the demise of gym class in many districts and physical education is no longer mandatory for students in some states. So summer vacation provides the ideal time for children and teens to increase their physical activity.

Many parents feel it’s essential for their kids to be involved in organized sports leagues over the summer, but the reality is that some kids are just not cut out for team sports. It may not be your child’s strength — and perhaps never will be — so encourage them to just play outside with their friends or go to the local park. Don’t pressure them to do something they don’t excel in or don’t enjoy.

Planning summer activities can be difficult when both parents are working, but you want to do more than just keep your children occupied in front of the television or computer. Strike a balance between technology-driven pastimes and outdoor activities. Although video games and computers can have a positive impact on a child’s intellectual growth, these electronic diversions can’t replace the enriching mental and physical activities associated with playing ball or bicycling or running on the playground. It’s amazing to me that so many kids, especially teenagers, say they sleep until noon or 1:00 p.m. all summer long. They stay up late playing video games and watching television. Then they sleep until the middle of the day, get up and start the routine all over again.

Don’t let your children waste their summer vacation with this type of “couch potato” schedule. There are too many wonderful activities and reasons to get outside when the weather permits. Just look at the resources available in the Oxford community; we have parks in the township, village and county. The Adventure Center on the Crossroads for Youth campus provides numerous outdoor activities that are fun and help children improve their communication skills, teamwork and self-esteem. And there are a variety of summer camps in the area that encourage kids to embrace the great outdoors. Remember, winter will be here before you know it.

So what impact is technology having on the lifestyles of children and teenagers — some of whom may never have been inside a post office or even seen a telephone booth? Some surprising Nielsen statistics show teenagers send and receive 3,705 text messages per month! Pre-teens are sending and receiving an average of 1,707 each month. It makes you wonder what happened to the days when kids simply called their friends to talk and parents put a limit on telephone time.

It’s a new day, and today’s social media tools are generating new concerns. There are not only safety issues associated with texting, using Facebook and other forms of social media, but there is also legitimate concern about the impact on kids’ social skills and their ability to have healthy relationships. Technology is fast replacing face-to-face experiences that are vitally important to the development of a child’s social skills. Human-to-human interaction is something they will need to use in the workplace, along with the human-to-machine interaction. A study by nationally-known psychologist Larry Rosen, Ph.D. and his colleagues compared real world empathy, online empathy and social support. They found there was a positive correlation between belonging to a social network, such as Facebook, and online empathy, but not with real world empathy. In other words — much like past research related to television and film — online experiences don’t translate into the same feelings when out in the real world.

Sure, technology has made our lives easier and the reality is that electronic communication is here to stay. It provides an efficient and important way to share information, make plans and keep up with friends in our “networks.” The eighteen and under generation is spending as much as four hours a day communicating with others via electronics. They clearly benefit from the connection, because studies show they feel a full range of emotions in this realm of screen messages. So rather than fight what is here to stay and what does offer some benefits, it makes good sense for parents to help kids learn to manage and apply the technology. The challenge is to keep them from getting “addicted” to their computers and cell phones. Make sure they spend quality, “electronic-free” time with family and friends, so they can experience the difference between an electronic connection and a personal connection. Both forms of communication are valuable, but nothing can ever truly replace spending “real” time with another person.

Michigan had another great moment in the spotlight when President Barack Obama visited Northern Michigan University in Marquette. The president praised the university’s WiMAX wireless system that has made distance learning possible for students. The system is in line with the president’s efforts to help business make wireless Internet service available to 98 percent of Americans.

These are just two great examples of why we should take pride in our state! It’s a lesson all children should learn. No matter where you live, there are positive points that make it a great community. We should all be as passionate about our hometown as the message depicted in the TV spot.

Here’s a fun activity: Ask your children to make a list of what they like the most about where they live. If they are budding writers or movie producers, have them try their hand at writing their own television commercial about Detroit, Michigan, or their hometown.

Locally, here in Oxford, families can take pride in many activities, events and venues, such as the community’s holiday parade, Hot Blues and BBQ Festival, beautiful parks, libraries, a downtown movie theatre, and a variety of restaurants. These are some of the things that make Oxford great. Remind your kids how lucky they are to grow up in our quaint, comfortable, culturally-rich community.

Let your children know there are many bright spots that make Michigan shine, like those depicted masterfully in the Chrysler Super Bowl ad. It’s up to all of us to bring those positive attributes to light and make our communities the talk of the town.

Recently, I was talking with a current law school student who also developed an interest in government as a young boy in middle school. During that time, he wrote a letter to a former Michigan governor to express concern about the state government’s ability to protect our environment and natural resources. As a result, the governor invited the young boy and a friend to the State Capitol Building in Lansing to discuss the issue. Today, that young man is planning a career as an attorney and possibly as an elected official or government employee. He attributes his ambitions to his conversation with the governor and the mere fact that an elected official cared enough to take time to listen to a kid’s thoughts.

Unlike this young man, Christina Taylor Green did not get the chance to initiate a life-changing conversation with Congresswoman Giffords. Her opportunity ended in a senseless tragedy that has left many children wondering how something like this could happen. Let your kids know that unfortunately, adults don’t always solve problems in the right manner. Sometimes, they resort to name calling, labeling and even violence. Tell your children that everyone has been touched by this tragedy. Start a conversation and answer his or her questions in the best way you can.

It’s important that we encourage our children to move on and look at the positive events that arose from this tragedy. We saw how people on the scene reacted swiftly and bravely to stop the gunman and prevent more injuries. We saw how the emergency responders reacted with the utmost professionalism and speed. We saw how law enforcement moved swiftly to apprehend the suspect. And we saw how a community came together in sympathy and support of the victims.

We can’t let the tragedy in Tucson change us, but it should serve as a wake up call on the impact and power of words. Political rhetoric and strong feelings about tough issues can lead to disagreements. Children need to know that there is a wrong and right way to voice differences of opinions. It should be done with respect, strength, conviction and nonviolence. As President Obama so eloquently told the crowd at a memorial service for the victims, “I want us to live up to her (Christina’s) expectations. I want our democracy to be as good as she imagined it.”

Displaying good manners speaks volumes about yourself, and how you treat others.  So here are some tips from the experts to share with your children.

According to most etiquette manuals, a fork should not be held like a cello, knife or dagger.  Nor should it be waived around in the air to emphasize a point.  Also, after you pick up a piece of cutlery, it should never touch the table again.  And when not in use, knives, forks and spoons should go on the plate – with the handles resting on the rim.

Napkins, according to www.mannersinternational.com , should be folded in half after opening and before placing on one’s lap.  A napkin should never be snapped in order to unfold it.  If you leave the table and plan to return, the napkin should be left on the chair, and the chair pushed back under the table.  Also, a napkin shouldn’t be refolded at the end of a meal because a server might think it’s clean and accidentally give it to another diner.  When the meal is finished, the napkin should be placed loosely on the table to the left of the plate.  If the plates have been removed the napkin can be placed in the center.

We’ve all been told that it’s wrong to chew with our mouths open.  No matter how much your children may want to do this, teach them not to.  Sometimes people can’t wait to join in on a conversation, so they cover their mouths to hide the food.  This isn’t much better.  Teach your child to finish chewing, swallow, and then speak.

Remember what your mother said: Sit up straight and keep your elbows off the table. Books.Google.com says that keeping elbows off the table makes more room for your dining companions, prevents pushing and pulling on the tablecloth and protects your elbows from getting food stains.  Remind your child to put his or her hands in their lap when not eating.

What about bread?  According to basic etiquette instructions, bread should be torn into bite-size pieces and each piece buttered separately just before eating it.

Finally, if your child has something trapped between his or her teeth don’t let them pick at it while they are at the table.  If it’s really bothersome, or the food can be seen, allow them to be excused so they can go to the restroom and take care of it.

If your child is dining with a member of a different culture, this could all change.  It’s a good idea to visit a bookstore or the library to make sure you both know what’s expected of your child if they’re dining with people from a foreign culture.  Check out Wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Table_manners for a list of table manners observed by different cultures.

Whether it’s dinner at a friend’s house or a business meeting over lunch, we often judge people based on their table manners.  Manners say so much about who you are as a person and about your core values, intentionally or not.  Give your children the advantage and make sure they know the proper etiquette.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

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Janet McPeek, Ph.D., is President of Crossroads for Youth.  She is available to speak to organizations working with children in southeastern Michigan.  Contact Mort Crim Communications at (248) 358-4700, ext. 4, if you would like to book Dr. McPeek at your next event.