All parents want to protect their children from life’s hardships.  But kids need to experience some difficulties in order to gain independence.  So how do you strike a balance between protecting your children and teaching them to be independent?

The foundation starts at a very young age.  Give them some responsibility. Ask your children to complete a few age and skill appropriate chores around the house.  Show them how to do the tasks, then step back and let them complete the jobs on their own.  This helps children gain a sense of independence, self confidence and responsibility.  The chores should vary, in order to teach them different skills and to maintain fairness if there is more than one child in the household.  Additionally, performing the chores will keep kids away from video games, computers and television.  Plus, depending on the chore, it will provide some physical activity.

There are many other ways to help children become independent.  When you go to the movies, let your child go to the booth to purchase tickets for the entire family and show that he or she received the correct change.  Help your kids figure out a problem instead of stepping in to solve it for them.  Ask them, “How would you handle this situation?”  Praise them when they’ve shown good judgment and give them guidance and advice when they go off track. 

Allowing your children to have a small pet is also a great way to teach responsibility.  Owning a pet teaches kids that a living creature is depending on them to stay alive.  Tell them you will assess future requests for more independence, based on how well they take care of the animal.  Put the children in charge of using the food, supplies and other items needed to maintain and care for the pet.  They will learn to become responsible, which will enable them to tackle more difficult forms of responsibility in the future.  If pets are out of the question for your family, caring for a houseplant can provide similar results.

The bottom line is your children need to realize that increased responsibility can gain them more independence.  If a child wants something you’re uncomfortable with – like going out with friends or going on a date – then let he or she come up with a way to make you feel more comfortable (e.g., respecting curfews or introducing you to friends’ parents).

In any event, let them fail once in a while.  Yes, this is incredibly difficult and doesn’t come naturally for most parents.  But kids need to know what failure feels like and how to deal with it.  By starting young, you’ll ease your child’s transition into the real world.  By teaching them responsibility, you’ll instill a sense of trust, self-esteem and self-reliance.  All of these experiences will give them the tools to become successful adults.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

A few weeks ago, I was having dinner with a family member at a downtown Oxford, Michigan restaurant. As I looked out the window at families walking by, young people going to the movie theatre, and people of all ages out for an evening stroll, I thought, “What a great community we live in.  I wonder if the people out there ever think about how lucky they are to live in a community like this, in this state, at this time.”

We all know the economic reality in Michigan.  But sometimes it’s a good idea to slow down, reflect and appreciate what you have, rather than what you don’t have.  Are the economic conditions perfect in Michigan right now?  No.  But residents of Oxford live in a clean, beautiful, and relatively safe community.  Will you be able to send your kid to camp next summer?  Maybe not.  But there’s probably a nice community center nearby where your kid can spend time for free.  Are there things your family might have to cut back on in order to survive the current economic slow down?  Probably.  But having fewer computer games around the house or spending less time shuttling the kids to ballet or horseback riding lessons is a hidden opportunity to spend more time together.

While you’re spending extra time with your kids, talk to them about how the situation is often very different in other communities.  Not all kids are as fortunate as those who live in Oxford.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the median household income for Oxford Township in 2000 was $63,494 – making it one of the wealthier communities in our area.  So kids who live here should treasure, appreciate and show gratitude for all they have.  For example, young people who choose to go on “volunteering spring breaks” instead of “partying” spring breaks,” are showing appreciation.   They are doing their part to make a difference in the community and your kids can do the same.  Let them know you’d be proud of them if they did.

The children and youth who attend school, and live on the Crossroads for Youth campus know what it means to give to others. Our kids are usually the recipients of other peoples’ goodwill.  But last year, they rolled up their collective sleeves and helped organizers set up and clean up at the local “Hot Blues and Barbeque” event.  They also volunteered to work with Clear Lake Elementary School to clear brush from local walking and biking trails.  The kids at Crossroads for Youth appreciate their community and they continue to make me proud.

As the economy continues to go through its transition, I hope residents of the Oxford community will remember to reflect often on how lucky they are, especially the kids.  Appreciate where you live, wherever it is.  It’s not all bad, no matter what else is happening.  And if you feel lucky, think about how you can spread that positive feeling to others.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Gardening is everywhere these days.  From the White House lawn to the corner farmers market, gardening encourages people to eat local produce, and make good food choices.  It also builds a love of nature.  Chances are gardening has already piqued your child’s curiosity.  So why not make it a family affair.  Use gardening to teach children the ABCs of growing their own food.

First, pay attention to safety.  Having a set of safety glasses, sunscreen, hats and gardening gloves for all participants is a good idea.  Make sure you have a first-aid kit handy.  And younger children should always be closely supervised.  Use the same rules that apply to cooking.  You wouldn’t leave your seven-year-old alone in the kitchen with a hot stove while you talk on the telephone in another room.  So don’t leave them alone in the garden either.

Next, choose a spot and decide what to grow.  Plant the garden where your child will see it often, such as a sunny spot in the backyard near his or her play area.  The more they see their garden, the more they’ll notice changes.  If you don’t have a yard, you can still have a garden in pots on a patio or inside on a window sill – maybe even in your child’s bedroom.  What you grow will probably depend on the location and size of the garden, but more than likely children will want to plant their favorite vegetables.

Most children love playing with dirt, so let them help with seeding and covering the seeds with soil.  Playing with water is also fun for kids.  Give them a small watering can – not a hose – and show them how to gently water the roots of their plants.  Be prepared for your child’s excitement at the first sign of a sprout.  Even better, be prepared for your satisfaction when they can’t wait to eat what they’ve grown.  That’s right.  Both anecdotal and research-based evidence support the theory that experiencing food from seed to table builds anticipation for fruits and vegetables and motivates kids to change their eating habits. As children sow, grow, harvest, cook and eat fresh vegetables, they learn to appreciate healthy foods.

Gardening even augments classroom studies like math, science and history.  Evidence shows that kids who are exposed to gardening have improved test scores and attendance.  Some of the unintended results of teaching kids to garden are also priceless.  We’ve grown a garden on the Crossroads campus for several years.  Once, when we were preparing a luncheon for our kids they wanted to know if the green beans were going to be fresh and not canned or frozen.  I thought to myself, “Well, haven’t we come a long way from ‘I don’t eat vegetables.’”

I hope you and your kids take time to plant a garden.  There are so many benefits to the activity and many life metaphors can be gleaned from the process.  The main one being, if you take good care of what you sow, you’ll reap incredible results.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Domestic violence is once again in the national spotlight.  Two of America’s youngest and most talented musical stars, Chris Brown and Rihanna, are at the center of the latest allegations.  But we’ve seen it happen before with celebrities.  Several years ago domestic violence was the focus of the O. J. Simpson trial, and long before that it was Lana Turner and Johnny Stompanato.

 The latest incident involving the young superstars left many adults shocked because of their ages – just 19 and 20 at the time.  However, kids didn’t seem all that surprised.  In fact, a majority of teens in a national survey blamed the victim for the attack, even after pictures of a bruised and battered Rihanna showed up on the Internet.  So is this a rare occurrence, or evidence of a growing problem among young people?  Should parents be concerned that a negative behavior normally associated with adults is now occurring with teens and young adults?  What can parents do to help protect their kids?  As in most cases, the more information you have the better.  Here are some important facts from the Violence Against Women Network.

• Battering occurs among people of all races, ages, socio-economic classes, religious affiliations, occupations and educational backgrounds.
• A battering incident is rarely an isolated event.  Battering tends to increase and become more violent over time.
• Ninety-five percent of teen dating violence is perpetrated by boys against girls.
• More than 25 percent of teens experience physical violence in their dating relationships.
• Thirty percent of murdered women ages 15-19 were killed by an abusive partner or ex-partner.
• More than 70 percent of pregnant or parenting teens are beaten by their partner.
• The root causes of domestic violence in men and boys are power and control, growing up in a cycle of violence and abuse, and a distorted concept of manhood.

What can you do if you discover your teen is being abused or is abusing another young person?  Counseling is an absolute must.  Battering is unlikely to stop without serious intervention.  If your family can’t afford to pay for private counseling, seek help in finding resources through your child’s school counselor or through a church ministry.  Local nonprofit organizations like HAVEN (Help Against Violent Encounters Now) and My Sister’s Place can offer assistance.  Dial “211” for access to more than 28,000 health and human service programs.  And check out the Web sites for Michigan Department of Community Health (www.michigan.gov/mdch), Oakland Family Services (www.oaklandfamilyservices.org), and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (www.ncadv.org). 

Learn everything you can about the situation.  Make sure your teen-aged son knows that anybody, male or female, has the right to defend themselves, but that doesn’t include hitting back.  It means putting your hands up and removing yourself from the situation.  Let your teenager know that trying to rationalize hitting a girl, even in self-defense, is one argument he can’t win.

Finally, is it ever okay for a couple to reconcile after their relationship has crossed over into domestic violence?  The answer is maybe.  If the abuser accepts personal responsibility and is committed to re-learning the right behavior, the answer could be yes.  But absolutely not without professional intervention.  Reconciliation without outside help will almost certainly result in a repeat of the violence.

It’s always a good idea to be proactive with your kids.  Talk to them about this subject ahead of time.  Ask your kids what they think about it.  Discuss any fears they may have and let them know they can talk to you about anything, especially their personal safety.

As a parent you want your child’s online experiences to be safe, educational and entertaining.  But today’s cyber-technology environment can be challenging, especially when it comes to the social networking sites.  The first thing parents should do is gather information when their child uses a new form of online social activity.  This puts adults in a much better position to protect their child.

First, know the basics.  A social networking site is a place on the Internet where a user creates a profile and builds a personal network that connects him or her to other users.  The profiles often include the posting and sharing of photographs.  Users decide whether to have an “open” or “restricted” page.  An open page allows anyone to contact them, while a “restricted” page requires permission from the user before contact can be established.  The most popular sites among adolescents and young adults are MySpace, Facebook, MyYearbook, Friendster, Tagged, Hi5 and Xanga.

Over the past several years, MySpace and Facebook have rocketed from a niche activity, to a phenomenon that engages tens of millions of Internet users.  Fifty-five percent of American youths ages 12 to 17 use online social networking sites, according to a national survey of teenagers conducted by the Pew Internet & American Life Project.  The survey also found that older teens, particularly girls, are more likely to use these sites than boys.  Girls primarily use social networking sites to reinforce existing friendships, while boys use the sites to flirt and make new friends.

Most parents are concerned about privacy and photograph sharing on social networking sites.  Depending on the site, there may be little or no restrictions on the content of posted photographs.  Consequently there are user profiles containing inappropriate photos of young people – sometimes engaged in illegal activities – along with names and addresses of the users.  When children post personal information on social networking sites, they unwittingly expose themselves to online sexual predators.  Additionally, many employers and colleges scan these sites to gather information about applicants and use the information to make decisions on whether to hire or admit them.

Here’s how you can help your child use the Internet safely:

• Do not rely on the sites to protect your family.  Unfortunately, popular social networking sites have not employed the necessary safeguards for children.
• Act sooner, rather than later.  Look at your child’s social networking sites on a regular basis and never feel that you have to apologize for being a concerned, responsible parent.
• Find out what your child wants to get out of their site and discuss some of the harmful things that can happen if he or she is not careful.

More importantly, don’t approach this subject as something you have to “put up with.”  It’s not all bad.  Sometimes new things can have a positive, unintended impact.  For example, some shy kids are better at communicating via social networking sites than they are face-to-face.  Think about it.  Today’s kids are basically doing the same things we did when we were their age.  It’s just that the communication methods have changed.

The tradition of New Year’s resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. when Janus, a mythical king of early Rome, was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces – one on the front of his head and one on the back – Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. At midnight on December 31^st the Romans imagined Janus looking back at the old year and forward to the new one. And it was Janus to whom many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies before the beginning of each year, making him the ancient symbol for resolutions.

Every year millions of Americans engage in the ritual of making New Year’s resolutions. Some will succeed, some will not. The most common resolutions are those concerning diet and health. Increasingly those concerns include children. What is the secret to success for your family’s News Year’s resolutions? One answer is to not go it alone. Studies show that interaction and relationships play a critical role in the long-term health and well-being of individuals and families. So if health and exercise resolutions are on your list this year, getting your whole family involved is essential to making those resolutions work. As modern families struggle to balance work and their personal lives, the need to connect as a family over health issues is as strong as ever.

Our nation is facing a dramatic health crisis among youth. It is estimated that nearly nine million children are overweight or obese. A startling 16 percent of children in the United States have Type II diabetes. And according to the New England Journal of Medicine, the current generation of American children could be the first to lead shorter lives than their parents.

While current health statistics clearly illustrate why it’s important for kids to lead healthier lifestyles, many organizations also believe that well-connected families play a critical role in how to make it happen. Look at the facts:

• Participating in family rituals that foster togetherness and communication is strongly linked to adolescent mental health.
• Teens who eat regularly with their families have better grades and less depression and substance abuse than kids who frequently eat on their own.
• University studies show that young kids and teens who eat regularly with their families eat more fruits, vegetables, fiber and whole grains and consume less soda and snack foods.

(Source: www.YMCA.net.)

The good news is that small changes can have a major impact.  The Centers for Disease Control found that participating in moderate physical activity such as walking for 30 minutes at least five times a week substantially lowered the risk of heart disease, stroke, colon cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity.  And introducing healthy habits early can have lifelong benefits. Children who develop healthy exercise and eating habits while young are more likely to continue to lead healthy lifestyles as adults.

Setting goals that balance, nurture and strengthen spirit, mind and body are key to helping parents improve the quality of life for their children. Make it fun and be flexible. If you stumble, don’t let it get to you. Just get back up and start over again. Include activities you did in the past that were particularly fun for your family. And remember to write down your goals. Things that get written get done!

New Year’s resolutions can be a fun way to dedicate more time to the family. If diet and health are part of your New Year’s resolution goals, make sure to include the whole family. Making the commitment together will greatly improve everybody’s chances of success.

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For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Agency Relations at 248-628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

]]> http://kidsatrisk.wordpress.com/2009/01/20/healthy-new-year%e2%80%99s-resolutions/feed/ 0 Janet McPeek, Ph.D. cfycropped http://kidsatrisk.wordpress.com/2008/05/14/is-your-child-ready-for-unsupervised-activities/ http://kidsatrisk.wordpress.com/2008/05/14/is-your-child-ready-for-unsupervised-activities/#comments Wed, 14 May 2008 12:29:05 +0000 Janet McPeek, Ph.D. http://kidsatrisk.wordpress.com/?p=40 ]]>

As the weather gets warmer, kids are starting to hang out more in our neighborhoods, malls, movie theaters, restaurants and other gathering places. That creates a huge dilemma for parents: What is the appropriate age for kids to get dropped off at these locations and remain there ─ unsupervised ─ for hours at a time?

“Age appropriate” expectations vary. What level of responsibility can you give a child in upper elementary or middle school? We’re primarily talking about 11- to 13-year-olds. You’ve probably seen it often; parents dropping off young kids at the movies or the mall. Responsible kids usually remain responsible in this situation. But the temptation is always there to do something wrong ─ perhaps on a dare ─ or take the opportunity to go to another location that’s prohibited by their parents. We’ve all heard the stories. A girl tells her parents she’s going to a movie with her girlfriends, but once they’re dropped off they meet up with a group of boys and hang out. Then they return to the theater and ask departing movie-goers for their ticket stubs to be used as “proof” that they indeed saw the film.

Here in Oxford, kids like to spend time at movies, stores, restaurants and bowling alleys. One young lady told me how she was at the mall with a couple of friends and they began playing around with a small, beanbag ball in a sporting store. One of them kicked it and accidentally hit a young child in a nearby store. The child’s mother became enraged, although the child wasn’t seriously hurt. Mall security took the older kids and called their parents. That incident shows how quickly and easily youngsters can get into trouble when they’re not under the watchful eyes of their parents.

So what should parents do when their child wants to go to the mall or movies alone? First, ask yourself if you would feel comfortable leaving your child at home unsupervised. If so, then have a frank discussion with your child about your expectations when he or she is out alone. Talk about how far the location is from home, the type of surroundings, and how long they will be there. If your child can have an open and comfortable conversation with you, chances are he or she is trustworthy. The kid who can’t have the conversation and has no clue what you’re concerned about will be more vulnerable.

Another solution is to take your child to the mall and remain there. Establish check-in times where you’re in touch by cell phone or in person. Parents may choose to go to the theater when the movie is getting out. It’s okay to tell your child you’re going to check up on them. That’s a part of building trust. A lot of parents feel it’s not right to do that unless the child has done wrong in the past. But actually it’s just a way of saying, “I’m going to pay attention to what you’re doing.”

Believe it or not, kids do look to us for direction. Children are naïve and have no idea what kinds of things can happen. I’ve encountered many youths who say, “I wish my parents would have told me no” or “I wish they would’ve checked on me.” Kids inherently trust us to put them in situations that are safe. If they ask us and we say yes, then we are responsible for assuring them this is an acceptable thing to do. So remember, it’s okay to say “NO” if it’s in the best interest of your child.

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For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Agency Relations at 248-628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Spring is such a beautiful season in Michigan. Are you taking advantage of this great time of the year? The warm weather and sunny skies offer a number of opportunities to create lasting and fun memories for children and families.

There are numerous things today that compete for children’s attention. Television, computers, iPods, video games, cell phones, MP3 players and a host of other electronic gadgets keep kids entertained for hours at a time. It’s wonderful that children and teenagers can experience the latest in technology, but let’s not forget about experiencing the beauty of nature. I’m referring to the simple things in life. When was the last time your family took a walk? Visited a neighbor’s home for a backyard cookout? Tossed a Frisbee in the park? We tend to overlook these simple, but meaningful activities that generate interaction and stimulate the mind and body. And that’s something people of all ages need!

Research shows that children are spending less time playing outside and it is affecting their weight and overall development. Children should have outdoor activities in their daily routine for better health, a good social life and just plain fun. It also sets the foundation for children to become active, fit adults.

Sports are a huge part of American culture. In a world of highly-paid athletes and sold-out arenas, everyone wants to be associated with a winning team. But there’s more to sports than just competition. There are many benefits, especially for children and youth.

16-year-old “Jeremy” is a very independent young man who has come a long way academically and personally. He will soon enter his senior year of high school and has made some great strides over the past year. Jeremy is an up-and-coming athlete who earned a varsity track letter and received a school award recognizing overall athletic ability.

Sports and team involvement brought Jeremy a long way. He started out with modest athletic skills and was struggling with his grades, but he ended up developing character, confidence and a good work ethic. Jeremy learned that just having some athletic talent wasn’t enough. He had to grow in other ways. He showed up for practice every day, followed his coach’s instructions, and did what was asked of him ─ all with a smile on his face. His success began to carry over into the classroom as well.

Educators agree that extracurricular activities help young people grow. Sports, in particular, help kids excel mentally and stay healthy. As in the case of Jeremy, team sports can help build a child’s self-esteem. The encouragement and respect young people give and receive from their peers and adults help them feel better about themselves. Being on a sports team can teach a child about commitment and the benefits of hard work. Studies show that substance abuse is less common among teenagers who are active in sports. Additionally, children who play sports often work harder in the classroom.

We shouldn’t just shower our attention on young people who already are athletic and academic standouts. Yes, they still need and should receive our positive reinforcement and emotional support. But some children haven’t learned to make the most of their skills. They need that extra push to achieve their own level of success. We can help them develop their own strategies for “winning the race.”

Jeremy is in the race for the long haul. His sports involvement provided just the motivation he needed to apply himself in the future. His plans, by the way, include going to college and pursuing a career as an athletic trainer. That’s what I call a true winner.

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Crossroads for Youth provides troubled children a supportive, positive environment in which they learn how to succeed in life. The organization teaches them self-discipline, responsibility and respect by offering a range of experiences. All of CFY’s programs incorporate academics, vocational training, individual and family counseling, community service and adventure therapy, as well as aftercare.

For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Agency Relations at 248-628-2561, ext. 250, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org, or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

You’ve heard the saying, “There’s a right way and a wrong way to do everything.” Sometimes teenagers make the wrong choice, but thankfully many often take the right path.

17-year-old “Carrie” knows the right way to voice her concerns and ideas about school and work. She puts them in writing. Carrie feels she has some good ideas on how things can function better, allowing her to become more productive.

But Carrie didn’t always use this method. Like many other kids, she dealt with her emotions and troubles by blaming everyone around her and seeking ways to gain control. Over time, a change came. Carrie realized there was a better way to get things done. And it is having a tremendous impact on her and the adults around her.

It’s important that we take young people’s ideas into consideration and emphasize their contributions rather than always call attention to their problems. Research has shown that youth benefit from their relationships with adults when they are seen and treated as competent individuals who are able to contribute to important decisions that impact themselves and others. It results in decreased at-risk behaviors, stronger communications skills and leadership experience, and improved self-esteem.

Carrie was able to make things happen ─ including getting a wage increase ─ thanks to her compelling writing and interesting viewpoints. Perhaps no one was more stunned than Carrie. It meant so much to her to be treated with respect and to feel as though she had something to contribute. It made her feel very important.

You never know what is going to make an impact on a young person. Carrie discovered that if she presented herself appropriately, instead of letting loose with anger or violence, someone really will listen. Young people need to know that when they do something the right way, it will have positive results.

Research shows that an adult can make a tremendous difference in the life of a child. And it doesn’t take much to make an impact. Sometimes it’s just an incidental interaction. Sometimes it’s just a vote of confidence. Or sometimes it’s just listening to a fresh new idea or perspective. If we treat kids with respect and they really feel like they’re being heard, it will have a huge impact. No, it doesn’t mean we have to give them everything they want, but we can be welcoming to their thoughts and contributions.

Never underestimate the significant impact you can have on a young person and that a young person can have on you.  They’ll show their appreciation in ways you could never image.

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Crossroads for Youth provides troubled children a supportive, positive environment in which they learn how to succeed in life. The organization teaches them self-discipline, responsibility and respect by offering a range of experiences. All of CFY’s programs incorporate academics, vocational training, individual and family counseling, community service and adventure therapy, as well as aftercare.

For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Agency Relations at 248-628-2561, ext. 250, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.