Black History celebrations can inspire all Americans

If there ever was a time for Black History Month to take on even more meaning, this February would be it.  Last year our country inaugurated its first African-American president.  Black History Month gives us another opportunity to reflect even further on this historic event.

The celebration of Black History Month is important to everyone, not just African-Americans.  It’s another opportunity to remind our kids what it means to be part of the extended American family.  I believe common experiences – for better or worse – are what ultimately bonds families together.  And our common experiences as Americans created the social environment that enabled us to elect our first African-American president.  Americans have been through a lot together.  The presidential election and the excitement of Inauguration Day showed the world that Americans are able to find common ground, even among our differences.  Don’t let these lessons go unnoticed in your family.  Take time during Black History Month to reflect on how far we’ve progressed in our cultural attitudes so your children can be inspired to form bonds with other members of our American family.

I was in high school typing class when the news came that Martin Luther King, Jr. had been assassinated.  I remember feeling shocked and saddened.  The ensuing riots changed my life and the lives of many of my friends in ways we never could have imagined.  Because I was raised in a racially and ethnically diverse environment, separation and overt racism were not a part of my life.  I considered everyone in my circle of friends to be an extended member of my family and I knew this was atypical at that time in our country’s history.  So I was shocked when a couple of years later, many of my black friends joined militant organizations in college.  These were turbulent times and those movements forbid their members from affiliating with white people.  That was difficult for me, because until then my friends and I had always been very close.  The experience left a deep impression on me, but eventually we all re-connected.

Because of those experiences, I look forward to observing Black History Month with my friends and family.  I’m pleased that it has grown into a national observance celebrated by members of all cultures and ethnicities.  The lesson for our kids is not so much about politics, but about how to treat people.  Our young people have to be prepared to interact with the extended American family, as well as the world family.  Cultural understanding, tolerance and empathy will be essential social tools for the next generation.  And embracing the celebration of Black History Month is one way to develop those skills.  When one group celebrates the achievements and triumphs of another, we all win.  And that’s a great example to set for our kids.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Is Being Popular At School Really That Important?

For most kids and parents the issue of popularity at school is likely to come up sooner or later. I’ve had calls from parents of very young children who are concerned that their five- or six-year-old didn’t get invited to a party.  And many older kids strive to be popular at school.  But there are positives and negatives to being popular, and popularity is subjective.  It can depend on an individual’s perception of what it means to be “well liked.”

Kathleen Boykin McElhaney, a research associate in psychology at the University of Virginia, conducted a study on popularity among adolescents.  She found that a person’s perception of how they fit into the social world is just as important–if not more important–than their real-life position in the social world.  Therefore, believing you are popular can be just as effective as actually being perceived by others as being popular.  That’s good news for both parents and kids.  It provides useful information for families as they wade through the social anxieties of adolescence.

Being considered popular at school can be both a blessing and a curse.  A student who is popular on his or her own merits is generally a happy, well-adjusted individual. These students are friendly, talk to everyone, do well with academics and set a good example.  Their peers look up to them because they are admired for their positive traits.  This type of popular person respects others as well.

Other students however, may be popular due to things over which they have little control, such as physical appearance, natural athletic ability or wealth.  If one is an extremely fortunate individual, he or she may also be kind and generous.  But that is not always true.  Television dramas, sitcoms and reality shows often depict the opposite type of fortunate individual who is mean and bratty.

Of course being popular at school can also come from engaging in negative behavior.  If your child is hanging out with a destructive crowd because he or she wants to be popular, this could have a negative effect.  When kids gain popularity by compromising their values or your family’s values, that’s taking the need to be popular too far and direct intervention may be necessary on your part.

Alternatively, how can kids cope when they don’t think of themselves as popular and they are not considered popular by others?  There are other ways to achieve the same psychological benefits of being popular without being the football player or the cheerleader.  Help your child understand this and find a group, even if it’s small, in which they feel comfortable and well-liked.  This can be just as rewarding.  Kids who have trouble blending in with the mainstream can sometimes have skills that enhance their ability to make friends elsewhere such as at church or in music and art groups.  Remember, a kid’s world is very small.  They usually meet within their zip codes.  Adults on the other hand can select professions where they meet others who are like-minded, but who live outside their immediate physical environment.  If your child thinks he or she is not fitting in easily in the school setting, encourage them to meet kids outside their school environment.  If monitored properly and used appropriately, online social networks can be a good way for kids to meet other kids.

The bottom line is no matter how old you are, it feels good to be included in a group.  Social acceptance is a very primary need among adults and children.  But teach your kids that what they think, feel and believe about themselves is ultimately what will make them happy and popular.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Enjoying Christmas in a challenging economy

During the summer I wrote about how to talk to your kids about the economy.  Back then, who knew the economy would get even worse, but it has.  And now that the holiday shopping season is here, many families are feeling even more of a strain on their household budgets, especially families with children.

Christmas can be tricky for young people.  They can’t help but compare themselves to their peers, especially at Christmas time.  And even though kids seem to have an inner mechanism that helps them deal with challenges, no matter how strong they look on the outside, they still need our support.  How can you talk to your kids about the economy in a way that won’t frighten them or further compound the disturbing news coming from the media?  And how can you help them understand the difference between “needs” and “wants” especially during the holiday season?  Talking to your kids about these things can go a long way toward reducing holiday stress.

Every situation is different and you should mentally assess yours before beginning any discussion with your child.  In this down economy, some people can cut back on items like eating out, cable television, health club memberships, travel, trips to the bookstore, etc.  But for those whom frugality was a necessity before, they have to look even harder now at what they can cut back on or do without.  For some folks, it’s not, “Let’s go to the library instead of the bookstore.”  It’s “Do we really need to burn the gas to get to the library this week?”  On the other hand, kids whose families couldn’t afford things like vacations to begin with, may not be feeling the effects of the economy as much as kids from families who took regular vacations.  The category you belong to will guide you in your discussion.

One thing you might want to talk about is tightening up the purse strings and getting your kids involved in the decision-making process when it comes to spending the family’s income.  You may want to make the decision as a family to cut out cable television (don’t assume your child won’t agree to this).  You may want to stop buying books for now and check out books from the library.  This can save the average family about $150 a month.  And you can spend that money on school supplies or clothing.  If you think your family might miss cable television too much there are always Web sites like Hulu.com.  Hulu is an online video service that offers free TV shows, movies and clips.

What if your child wants something that he or she doesn’t really need?  Have a frank discussion with them about it and explain the difference between needs and wants.  Even a small child can understand this.  And for older kids this can be an opportunity for them to start earning their own money.  Additional lessons about saving money, using cash instead of credit and the value of a dollar can all be taught during these conversations.  If your child has a “want” item, suggest that they do chores around the house or elsewhere to save for that.  Just know that your child will be watching you as an example of what is taught.  If you’re talking the talk, but not walking the walk, these conversations will eventually fall on deaf ears.

Remember, this may be the first time some kids have experienced an economic downturn.  So it’s up to you as a parent to help them navigate.  Whatever you decide, it is always good for kids to know what the financial reality is in their household.  Hopefully it will translate into good money-making decisions when they are adults.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, ext. 250, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Help your child become independent

All parents want to protect their children from life’s hardships.  But kids need to experience some difficulties in order to gain independence.  So how do you strike a balance between protecting your children and teaching them to be independent?

The foundation starts at a very young age.  Give them some responsibility. Ask your children to complete a few age and skill appropriate chores around the house.  Show them how to do the tasks, then step back and let them complete the jobs on their own.  This helps children gain a sense of independence, self confidence and responsibility.  The chores should vary, in order to teach them different skills and to maintain fairness if there is more than one child in the household.  Additionally, performing the chores will keep kids away from video games, computers and television.  Plus, depending on the chore, it will provide some physical activity.

There are many other ways to help children become independent.  When you go to the movies, let your child go to the booth to purchase tickets for the entire family and show that he or she received the correct change.  Help your kids figure out a problem instead of stepping in to solve it for them.  Ask them, “How would you handle this situation?”  Praise them when they’ve shown good judgment and give them guidance and advice when they go off track. 

Allowing your children to have a small pet is also a great way to teach responsibility.  Owning a pet teaches kids that a living creature is depending on them to stay alive.  Tell them you will assess future requests for more independence, based on how well they take care of the animal.  Put the children in charge of using the food, supplies and other items needed to maintain and care for the pet.  They will learn to become responsible, which will enable them to tackle more difficult forms of responsibility in the future.  If pets are out of the question for your family, caring for a houseplant can provide similar results.

The bottom line is your children need to realize that increased responsibility can gain them more independence.  If a child wants something you’re uncomfortable with – like going out with friends or going on a date – then let he or she come up with a way to make you feel more comfortable (e.g., respecting curfews or introducing you to friends’ parents).

In any event, let them fail once in a while.  Yes, this is incredibly difficult and doesn’t come naturally for most parents.  But kids need to know what failure feels like and how to deal with it.  By starting young, you’ll ease your child’s transition into the real world.  By teaching them responsibility, you’ll instill a sense of trust, self-esteem and self-reliance.  All of these experiences will give them the tools to become successful adults.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, ext. 250, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Appreciating Your Community

A few weeks ago, I was having dinner with a family member at a downtown Oxford, Michigan restaurant. As I looked out the window at families walking by, young people going to the movie theatre, and people of all ages out for an evening stroll, I thought, “What a great community we live in.  I wonder if the people out there ever think about how lucky they are to live in a community like this, in this state, at this time.”

We all know the economic reality in Michigan.  But sometimes it’s a good idea to slow down, reflect and appreciate what you have, rather than what you don’t have.  Are the economic conditions perfect in Michigan right now?  No.  But residents of Oxford live in a clean, beautiful, and relatively safe community.  Will you be able to send your kid to camp next summer?  Maybe not.  But there’s probably a nice community center nearby where your kid can spend time for free.  Are there things your family might have to cut back on in order to survive the current economic slow down?  Probably.  But having fewer computer games around the house or spending less time shuttling the kids to ballet or horseback riding lessons is a hidden opportunity to spend more time together.

While you’re spending extra time with your kids, talk to them about how the situation is often very different in other communities.  Not all kids are as fortunate as those who live in Oxford.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the median household income for Oxford Township in 2000 was $63,494 – making it one of the wealthier communities in our area.  So kids who live here should treasure, appreciate and show gratitude for all they have.  For example, young people who choose to go on “volunteering spring breaks” instead of “partying” spring breaks,” are showing appreciation.   They are doing their part to make a difference in the community and your kids can do the same.  Let them know you’d be proud of them if they did.

The children and youth who attend school, and live on the Crossroads for Youth campus know what it means to give to others. Our kids are usually the recipients of other peoples’ goodwill.  But last year, they rolled up their collective sleeves and helped organizers set up and clean up at the local “Hot Blues and Barbeque” event.  They also volunteered to work with Clear Lake Elementary School to clear brush from local walking and biking trails.  The kids at Crossroads for Youth appreciate their community and they continue to make me proud.

As the economy continues to go through its transition, I hope residents of the Oxford community will remember to reflect often on how lucky they are, especially the kids.  Appreciate where you live, wherever it is.  It’s not all bad, no matter what else is happening.  And if you feel lucky, think about how you can spread that positive feeling to others.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Sharing the Fun of Gardening with Your Child

Gardening is everywhere these days.  From the White House lawn to the corner farmers market, gardening encourages people to eat local produce, and make good food choices.  It also builds a love of nature.  Chances are gardening has already piqued your child’s curiosity.  So why not make it a family affair.  Use gardening to teach children the ABCs of growing their own food.

First, pay attention to safety.  Having a set of safety glasses, sunscreen, hats and gardening gloves for all participants is a good idea.  Make sure you have a first-aid kit handy.  And younger children should always be closely supervised.  Use the same rules that apply to cooking.  You wouldn’t leave your seven-year-old alone in the kitchen with a hot stove while you talk on the telephone in another room.  So don’t leave them alone in the garden either.

Next, choose a spot and decide what to grow.  Plant the garden where your child will see it often, such as a sunny spot in the backyard near his or her play area.  The more they see their garden, the more they’ll notice changes.  If you don’t have a yard, you can still have a garden in pots on a patio or inside on a window sill – maybe even in your child’s bedroom.  What you grow will probably depend on the location and size of the garden, but more than likely children will want to plant their favorite vegetables.

Most children love playing with dirt, so let them help with seeding and covering the seeds with soil.  Playing with water is also fun for kids.  Give them a small watering can – not a hose – and show them how to gently water the roots of their plants.  Be prepared for your child’s excitement at the first sign of a sprout.  Even better, be prepared for your satisfaction when they can’t wait to eat what they’ve grown.  That’s right.  Both anecdotal and research-based evidence support the theory that experiencing food from seed to table builds anticipation for fruits and vegetables and motivates kids to change their eating habits. As children sow, grow, harvest, cook and eat fresh vegetables, they learn to appreciate healthy foods.

Gardening even augments classroom studies like math, science and history.  Evidence shows that kids who are exposed to gardening have improved test scores and attendance.  Some of the unintended results of teaching kids to garden are also priceless.  We’ve grown a garden on the Crossroads campus for several years.  Once, when we were preparing a luncheon for our kids they wanted to know if the green beans were going to be fresh and not canned or frozen.  I thought to myself, “Well, haven’t we come a long way from ‘I don’t eat vegetables.’”

I hope you and your kids take time to plant a garden.  There are so many benefits to the activity and many life metaphors can be gleaned from the process.  The main one being, if you take good care of what you sow, you’ll reap incredible results.

Crossroads for Youth is southeastern Michigan’s leading expert on at-risk youth. Believing all youth are at risk, Crossroads for Youth strengthens families and youth with skills and tools so they become valued contributors in their communities.  For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Public Relations at (248) 628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Parents should school teens about domestic abuse

Domestic violence is once again in the national spotlight.  Two of America’s youngest and most talented musical stars, Chris Brown and Rihanna, are at the center of the latest allegations.  But we’ve seen it happen before with celebrities.  Several years ago domestic violence was the focus of the O. J. Simpson trial, and long before that it was Lana Turner and Johnny Stompanato.

 The latest incident involving the young superstars left many adults shocked because of their ages – just 19 and 20 at the time.  However, kids didn’t seem all that surprised.  In fact, a majority of teens in a national survey blamed the victim for the attack, even after pictures of a bruised and battered Rihanna showed up on the Internet.  So is this a rare occurrence, or evidence of a growing problem among young people?  Should parents be concerned that a negative behavior normally associated with adults is now occurring with teens and young adults?  What can parents do to help protect their kids?  As in most cases, the more information you have the better.  Here are some important facts from the Violence Against Women Network.

• Battering occurs among people of all races, ages, socio-economic classes, religious affiliations, occupations and educational backgrounds.
• A battering incident is rarely an isolated event.  Battering tends to increase and become more violent over time.
• Ninety-five percent of teen dating violence is perpetrated by boys against girls.
• More than 25 percent of teens experience physical violence in their dating relationships.
• Thirty percent of murdered women ages 15-19 were killed by an abusive partner or ex-partner.
• More than 70 percent of pregnant or parenting teens are beaten by their partner.
• The root causes of domestic violence in men and boys are power and control, growing up in a cycle of violence and abuse, and a distorted concept of manhood.

What can you do if you discover your teen is being abused or is abusing another young person?  Counseling is an absolute must.  Battering is unlikely to stop without serious intervention.  If your family can’t afford to pay for private counseling, seek help in finding resources through your child’s school counselor or through a church ministry.  Local nonprofit organizations like HAVEN (Help Against Violent Encounters Now) and My Sister’s Place can offer assistance.  Dial “211” for access to more than 28,000 health and human service programs.  And check out the Web sites for Michigan Department of Community Health (www.michigan.gov/mdch), Oakland Family Services (www.oaklandfamilyservices.org), and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (www.ncadv.org). 

Learn everything you can about the situation.  Make sure your teen-aged son knows that anybody, male or female, has the right to defend themselves, but that doesn’t include hitting back.  It means putting your hands up and removing yourself from the situation.  Let your teenager know that trying to rationalize hitting a girl, even in self-defense, is one argument he can’t win.

Finally, is it ever okay for a couple to reconcile after their relationship has crossed over into domestic violence?  The answer is maybe.  If the abuser accepts personal responsibility and is committed to re-learning the right behavior, the answer could be yes.  But absolutely not without professional intervention.  Reconciliation without outside help will almost certainly result in a repeat of the violence.

It’s always a good idea to be proactive with your kids.  Talk to them about this subject ahead of time.  Ask your kids what they think about it.  Discuss any fears they may have and let them know they can talk to you about anything, especially their personal safety.

Parents Shouldn’t Fear Social Networking Web Sites

As a parent you want your child’s online experiences to be safe, educational and entertaining.  But today’s cyber-technology environment can be challenging, especially when it comes to the social networking sites.  The first thing parents should do is gather information when their child uses a new form of online social activity.  This puts adults in a much better position to protect their child.

First, know the basics.  A social networking site is a place on the Internet where a user creates a profile and builds a personal network that connects him or her to other users.  The profiles often include the posting and sharing of photographs.  Users decide whether to have an “open” or “restricted” page.  An open page allows anyone to contact them, while a “restricted” page requires permission from the user before contact can be established.  The most popular sites among adolescents and young adults are MySpace, Facebook, MyYearbook, Friendster, Tagged, Hi5 and Xanga.

Over the past several years, MySpace and Facebook have rocketed from a niche activity, to a phenomenon that engages tens of millions of Internet users.  Fifty-five percent of American youths ages 12 to 17 use online social networking sites, according to a national survey of teenagers conducted by the Pew Internet & American Life Project.  The survey also found that older teens, particularly girls, are more likely to use these sites than boys.  Girls primarily use social networking sites to reinforce existing friendships, while boys use the sites to flirt and make new friends.

Most parents are concerned about privacy and photograph sharing on social networking sites.  Depending on the site, there may be little or no restrictions on the content of posted photographs.  Consequently there are user profiles containing inappropriate photos of young people – sometimes engaged in illegal activities – along with names and addresses of the users.  When children post personal information on social networking sites, they unwittingly expose themselves to online sexual predators.  Additionally, many employers and colleges scan these sites to gather information about applicants and use the information to make decisions on whether to hire or admit them.

Here’s how you can help your child use the Internet safely:

• Do not rely on the sites to protect your family.  Unfortunately, popular social networking sites have not employed the necessary safeguards for children.
• Act sooner, rather than later.  Look at your child’s social networking sites on a regular basis and never feel that you have to apologize for being a concerned, responsible parent.
• Find out what your child wants to get out of their site and discuss some of the harmful things that can happen if he or she is not careful.

More importantly, don’t approach this subject as something you have to “put up with.”  It’s not all bad.  Sometimes new things can have a positive, unintended impact.  For example, some shy kids are better at communicating via social networking sites than they are face-to-face.  Think about it.  Today’s kids are basically doing the same things we did when we were their age.  It’s just that the communication methods have changed.

Healthy New Year’s Resolutions

The tradition of New Year’s resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. when Janus, a mythical king of early Rome, was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces – one on the front of his head and one on the back – Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. At midnight on December 31^st the Romans imagined Janus looking back at the old year and forward to the new one. And it was Janus to whom many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies before the beginning of each year, making him the ancient symbol for resolutions.

Every year millions of Americans engage in the ritual of making New Year’s resolutions. Some will succeed, some will not. The most common resolutions are those concerning diet and health. Increasingly those concerns include children. What is the secret to success for your family’s News Year’s resolutions? One answer is to not go it alone. Studies show that interaction and relationships play a critical role in the long-term health and well-being of individuals and families. So if health and exercise resolutions are on your list this year, getting your whole family involved is essential to making those resolutions work. As modern families struggle to balance work and their personal lives, the need to connect as a family over health issues is as strong as ever.

Our nation is facing a dramatic health crisis among youth. It is estimated that nearly nine million children are overweight or obese. A startling 16 percent of children in the United States have Type II diabetes. And according to the New England Journal of Medicine, the current generation of American children could be the first to lead shorter lives than their parents.

While current health statistics clearly illustrate why it’s important for kids to lead healthier lifestyles, many organizations also believe that well-connected families play a critical role in how to make it happen. Look at the facts:

• Participating in family rituals that foster togetherness and communication is strongly linked to adolescent mental health.
• Teens who eat regularly with their families have better grades and less depression and substance abuse than kids who frequently eat on their own.
• University studies show that young kids and teens who eat regularly with their families eat more fruits, vegetables, fiber and whole grains and consume less soda and snack foods.

(Source: www.YMCA.net.)

The good news is that small changes can have a major impact.  The Centers for Disease Control found that participating in moderate physical activity such as walking for 30 minutes at least five times a week substantially lowered the risk of heart disease, stroke, colon cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity.  And introducing healthy habits early can have lifelong benefits. Children who develop healthy exercise and eating habits while young are more likely to continue to lead healthy lifestyles as adults.

Setting goals that balance, nurture and strengthen spirit, mind and body are key to helping parents improve the quality of life for their children. Make it fun and be flexible. If you stumble, don’t let it get to you. Just get back up and start over again. Include activities you did in the past that were particularly fun for your family. And remember to write down your goals. Things that get written get done!

New Year’s resolutions can be a fun way to dedicate more time to the family. If diet and health are part of your New Year’s resolution goals, make sure to include the whole family. Making the commitment together will greatly improve everybody’s chances of success.

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Crossroads for Youth provides troubled children a supportive, positive environment in which they learn how to succeed in life. The organization teaches them self-discipline, responsibility and respect by offering a range of experiences. All of CFY’s programs incorporate academics, vocational training, individual and family counseling, community service and adventure therapy, as well as aftercare.

For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Agency Relations at 248-628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.

Is Your Child Ready for Unsupervised Activities?

As the weather gets warmer, kids are starting to hang out more in our neighborhoods, malls, movie theaters, restaurants and other gathering places. That creates a huge dilemma for parents: What is the appropriate age for kids to get dropped off at these locations and remain there ─ unsupervised ─ for hours at a time?

“Age appropriate” expectations vary. What level of responsibility can you give a child in upper elementary or middle school? We’re primarily talking about 11- to 13-year-olds. You’ve probably seen it often; parents dropping off young kids at the movies or the mall. Responsible kids usually remain responsible in this situation. But the temptation is always there to do something wrong ─ perhaps on a dare ─ or take the opportunity to go to another location that’s prohibited by their parents. We’ve all heard the stories. A girl tells her parents she’s going to a movie with her girlfriends, but once they’re dropped off they meet up with a group of boys and hang out. Then they return to the theater and ask departing movie-goers for their ticket stubs to be used as “proof” that they indeed saw the film.

Here in Oxford, kids like to spend time at movies, stores, restaurants and bowling alleys. One young lady told me how she was at the mall with a couple of friends and they began playing around with a small, beanbag ball in a sporting store. One of them kicked it and accidentally hit a young child in a nearby store. The child’s mother became enraged, although the child wasn’t seriously hurt. Mall security took the older kids and called their parents. That incident shows how quickly and easily youngsters can get into trouble when they’re not under the watchful eyes of their parents.

So what should parents do when their child wants to go to the mall or movies alone? First, ask yourself if you would feel comfortable leaving your child at home unsupervised. If so, then have a frank discussion with your child about your expectations when he or she is out alone. Talk about how far the location is from home, the type of surroundings, and how long they will be there. If your child can have an open and comfortable conversation with you, chances are he or she is trustworthy. The kid who can’t have the conversation and has no clue what you’re concerned about will be more vulnerable.

Another solution is to take your child to the mall and remain there. Establish check-in times where you’re in touch by cell phone or in person. Parents may choose to go to the theater when the movie is getting out. It’s okay to tell your child you’re going to check up on them. That’s a part of building trust. A lot of parents feel it’s not right to do that unless the child has done wrong in the past. But actually it’s just a way of saying, “I’m going to pay attention to what you’re doing.”

Believe it or not, kids do look to us for direction. Children are naïve and have no idea what kinds of things can happen. I’ve encountered many youths who say, “I wish my parents would have told me no” or “I wish they would’ve checked on me.” Kids inherently trust us to put them in situations that are safe. If they ask us and we say yes, then we are responsible for assuring them this is an acceptable thing to do. So remember, it’s okay to say “NO” if it’s in the best interest of your child.

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Crossroads for Youth provides troubled children a supportive, positive environment in which they learn how to succeed in life. The organization teaches them self-discipline, responsibility and respect by offering a range of experiences. All of CFY’s programs incorporate academics, vocational training, individual and family counseling, community service and adventure therapy, as well as aftercare.

For more information about Crossroads for Youth contact our Director of Development and Agency Relations at 248-628-2561, email us at info@crossroadsforyouth.org or visit our Web site at www.crossroadsforyouth.org.